Monday, May 9, 2011

I am a mom

I thought about a lot of things yesterday.  I even thought about writing a post just about my mother.  But I didn’t get round to it.  I wondered if that made me a bad daughter.  Hmm, I think I was a good daughter.  I wasn’t perfect.  I made mistakes.  I made a lot of mistakes and wish at times I could take them back.  But I am pretty sure my mom loved me anyway.

I thought about when I became a mom for the first time.  How much I loved holding my little baby girl.  I was only 18.  I was a baby myself.  But I didn’t think so.  I loved being a mom.

Ahhhhh then I became a mom 2 more times.  Well I guess I never stopped being a mom after my first baby….

I was still very young.  24 when my 3rd baby was born. 

I made mistakes.  I made plenty of mistakes.  Yeah, I would like some do-overs.

I think my children turned out to be pretty darn good.  So I guess I didn’t do to bad as a mom when they were still at home.

I tried to protect them from life’s bad stuff, I kissed their boo-boo’s and sang them lullaby’s and played games with them.  Of course we didn’t have a lot of money so they didn’t get lots and lots of toys or video games or i-pads and electronic things, because those things were not invented yet.  Even cell phones were not invented.   I survived getting stuck on the side of the road because I didn’t put gas in the car…and I had to walk to a pay phone to get Bob to bring me some gas in a can.  He was not happy.

I think I was a good mom.  I still get hugs and kisses from my grown up kids and they tell me they love me.

Bob tells me I was a good mom.

It is hard to convince yourself sometimes when you think, maybe if I had done this or that differently.

But I think the birthday cake I made for Natalie when she was 11 out of a Jiffy cake mix that cost a dollar….and then frosting the cake with another cake mix because I thought it was a frosting box…well, that’s being a good mom isn’t it?  At least we went to the ice skating rink afterwards.  I will always remember that cake.  Good think we can laugh about it.

I do know that raising children when you are young has a lot to do with energy, because I could never do it if I was well, older-ish.  Being a grandma is fun, it is like being a really cool mom except you don’t have to be mean, you can always be really nice.  Most of the time.  99.9% of the time.

I like being a mom. 99.9% of the time.

I loved my mom.  I wish I had told her more often that I loved her.  She was one special lady.  I didn’t realize how special until she wasn’t around anymore.  We sort of fought a lot.  Even when I became a mom myself (I was sooo young) I thought I knew it all and knew how to raise 3 kids… when my mom raised 7.  Boy I didn’t have a clue. (sigh) But I am sure she knows how much I still love her, and miss her.  For some reason this Mother’s Day I have really missed her.  Maybe because I am finally understanding……finally…….after all these years… hard it can be sometimes to be a mom. 

Never wanting to change a minute of it. 

And those are my thoughts on me being a mom.


Pat said...

I relate my sister friend. It is not an easy job being a Mom. I was talking about it with my daughter yesterday, wishing out loud that my grand sons were still small, because time has passed so quickly. Like you...with the grace of God, and in spite of my ignorance, my kids turned out well...what more could we want.

joolzmac said...

That was a lovely post. I am lucky to still have my mum still with me (now 81 years old). The hardest thing is watching her grow old and slow and losing her memory a little bit here and there. She used to do embroidery, knitting and sewing but her hands get sore and her eyesight's not great. She doesn't cook and bake things now apart from her own meals. She has lost confidence. I think a lot of her has rubbed off on me so I love that I can cook nice things for her and she appreciates that. I love the fact that I berate my daughters for not being tidy and picking up around the house then my mum says 'of course, you were NEVER like that, were you?' then I realise I was! I am teaching my daughters what mum taught me so we are coming full circle. I like that.
Happy Mother's day to you!

Cheers - Joolz

stardust said...

Linda, this is a lovely post.

Being a mom is one of the most creative and fulfilling tasks I've ever done, though at times quite challenging.

I constantly visit my 90-year-old mom to help her around. Getting old, such old, would be a lonesome journey, being outlived by her husband, siblings, friends. When she pass away (hope long time away), not only her body but also a small world consisted of her thoughts, emotions, and experiences stored up in her mind and heart will disappear...., but what I have shared with her still remain within me. It is consoling.

Belated happy Mother's Day to you.

Librarian said...

Not being a mother myself, I can only draw on my experience of being a daughter, daughter-in-law and granddaughter - and being very happy about having my mum still around (almost around the corner, too) and having a mother-in-law who truly likes me.

Eileen said...

Oh, Linda, you write my heart here. I feel exactly the same about my own Mom, and about myself being a Mom, and how I have so many regrets thinking about both. 'Wishing I had my Mom here to show her how much she means to me, and wishing so much at times that I could back and do it all over with my own kids, only do it all right this time.

And I couldn't do a post about my Mom this year either, it just felt too raw.
I read somewhere that death ends a life but it doesn't end the relationship, and I think that's so true. My Mom's not here, but my side of the relationship still goes on, my loving her is still all here, and that hole in my life that only she fits into is still gaping wide. I guess that never goes away.

And I think it's the same with the kids, in our hearts, the little ones we cared for, they are still little even now that they are grown and have children of their own, they are still little in our hearts, and we want to change things for them, change how we handled a situation, but we can't.

'Wish I had taken my job of motherhood much more seriously, and 'so wish I had acted much more lovingly.

Wanda..... said...

Like you Linda, I was very young when I became a mother of my daughter at 20 and two sons in the next 6 years. No regrets though, it leaves me young enough now to enjoy hiking with the grandchildren, maybe even great grandchildren someday!

emily said...

So not fair. Making me cry like that. Good post. It really is hard being a mom. I hate when I have to discipline my kids (Really! I do!) And so many other things that I didn't understand when I was younger, but now I. I love being a mommy. It's all I ever wanted to be. I have a wonderful mom. You did/do too. I remember when i was little, thinking that my cousins were the luckiest kids in the world because their moms were so cool! (We never saw the 'mean mom' at family gatherings!haha) I think you are fabulous. I am so lucky to have you for my auntie. Love you so much!

Barb said...

Oh, this brought tears to my eyes, Linda. I was a bit older when the twins were born (24) but didn't know a thing about raising babies (let alone 2). We adopted a baby girl when the twins were 2 and another girl when they were 7, so then I was Mom to 4 under 7! Gosh - it did take energy, didn't it? Now I am full of gratitude for my adult children and my darling Grands. I miss my Mom every day, but believe she's still watching over me. Life comes full circle.

Penny said...

I love(d) your mom too, I treasure the time I had with her in my life and for her amazing example. She taught me so many things about what counts in "mommyland" and showed me how to take care of a big family with lots of boys!
She loved you so very much Lu,I know this because she told me often. Her girls were her jewels.

Diana said...

I loved this Linda. I was just 19 then 23 then 36!! But that's all I ever really wanted to do was be a mom. Now with more freedom I sort of feel lost most of the time. I wonder if my own mom felt that way?
Anyway, I loved your thoughts on Mother's Day. Love Di ♥

All Dolled Up Doll Clothes said...

And of course, this made me cry! I'm missing mom so much too. I will get you the disc as soon as I can. I gotta find it now.
Love ya

aka Penelope said...

What a heartfelt post! My mother died too soon and before I had my own daughter. I do miss her, especially when something special happens that I want to share with her. I visit my mom in my thoughts sometimes … as if she still existed somewhere. How wonderful you are a mom that is still there for your own grownup kids and their kids. I think no matter how poorly (or well) we behaved towards our mothers there is always the lingering thought we could have done better. But like Maya Angelou once said: Now that I know better, I do better. :)

Mari said...

Lovely Post!! I am glad I found your blog. I am a mom of three and have been married for 20 years, and a love everything of being a mom. I admire you for being married 40 years. This is a very nice entry for Mother's Day.

Look forward to your next post :)


snowwhite said...

Linda, I love this lovely post very much. I became a mom at the age of 36 and have one son. When my son was 5 or something, he heard what my mom told me and asked my mom, his grandma,"Why? Mom is an adult." My mom answered him, "Because your mom is always my child." I do not remember what my mom said to me. But, still I remember my mom's answer. I was deeply moved. My mom is now 89 and I'm her daughter. How old I get, this relationship will never change. Sometimes I ask myself, "Am I a good daughter and good mom?" And then I think, "I have done my best." Thank you for sharing your wonderful post.
Have a great week!

Jenny Woolf said...

I think it's better to have your kids when you are young. You do have more energy then. Though I can remember the first time I felt really tired, for no reason. I was 23 and I was tired because I was a mother. I sat there and thought, "Wow, this is what people talk about, and now I'm feeling it." (And I felt it plenty of times after that)