Monday, May 9, 2011

I am a mom

I thought about a lot of things yesterday.  I even thought about writing a post just about my mother.  But I didn’t get round to it.  I wondered if that made me a bad daughter.  Hmm, I think I was a good daughter.  I wasn’t perfect.  I made mistakes.  I made a lot of mistakes and wish at times I could take them back.  But I am pretty sure my mom loved me anyway.

I thought about when I became a mom for the first time.  How much I loved holding my little baby girl.  I was only 18.  I was a baby myself.  But I didn’t think so.  I loved being a mom.

Ahhhhh then I became a mom 2 more times.  Well I guess I never stopped being a mom after my first baby….

I was still very young.  24 when my 3rd baby was born. 

I made mistakes.  I made plenty of mistakes.  Yeah, I would like some do-overs.

I think my children turned out to be pretty darn good.  So I guess I didn’t do to bad as a mom when they were still at home.

I tried to protect them from life’s bad stuff, I kissed their boo-boo’s and sang them lullaby’s and played games with them.  Of course we didn’t have a lot of money so they didn’t get lots and lots of toys or video games or i-pads and electronic things, because those things were not invented yet.  Even cell phones were not invented.   I survived getting stuck on the side of the road because I didn’t put gas in the car…and I had to walk to a pay phone to get Bob to bring me some gas in a can.  He was not happy.

I think I was a good mom.  I still get hugs and kisses from my grown up kids and they tell me they love me.

Bob tells me I was a good mom.

It is hard to convince yourself sometimes when you think, maybe if I had done this or that differently.

But I think the birthday cake I made for Natalie when she was 11 out of a Jiffy cake mix that cost a dollar….and then frosting the cake with another cake mix because I thought it was a frosting box…well, that’s being a good mom isn’t it?  At least we went to the ice skating rink afterwards.  I will always remember that cake.  Good think we can laugh about it.

I do know that raising children when you are young has a lot to do with energy, because I could never do it if I was well, older-ish.  Being a grandma is fun, it is like being a really cool mom except you don’t have to be mean, you can always be really nice.  Most of the time.  99.9% of the time.

I like being a mom. 99.9% of the time.

I loved my mom.  I wish I had told her more often that I loved her.  She was one special lady.  I didn’t realize how special until she wasn’t around anymore.  We sort of fought a lot.  Even when I became a mom myself (I was sooo young) I thought I knew it all and knew how to raise 3 kids… when my mom raised 7.  Boy I didn’t have a clue. (sigh) But I am sure she knows how much I still love her, and miss her.  For some reason this Mother’s Day I have really missed her.  Maybe because I am finally understanding……finally…….after all these years… hard it can be sometimes to be a mom. 

Never wanting to change a minute of it. 

And those are my thoughts on me being a mom.